I remember when I was a child, maybe 7 years old, laying on the grass of my front yard. I would look up at the clouds, observing what the different shapes resembled. It could be anything from a zebra, to a house, to a pirate ship, anything that my imagination could foster up. I remember seeing Airplanes in the sky, wondering where they were going, how fast, how high and who was on there? It was this mysterious white speck in this massive blue sky, with a white trail following it.
I was young and naïve, having only lived a small portion of my life. Yet ironically, those questions followed me into my adulthood and are still with me 25 years later. Only it’s not just about the Airplane anymore, it’s about me.
Where am I going? How fast, how high and who’s coming with me? Every single decision I’ve made up until now, has been paving the road to my current reality. Some good decisions, some bad decisions and some indifferent, but most of them were made in an ongoing effort to answer these questions. As if one day, I would get to this sought after destination, this finish line, this place where all of my inquiries were finally answered.
As it turns out, one of my biggest lessons of all is that these inquiries are apart of the long journey, not the short one. They aren’t going anywhere anytime soon, so best enjoy the mysteries that come from the unknowingness.
To marvel at something is to be filled with wonder and astonishment and by getting consumed in trying to answer all of these inquisitive questions, the very magic of what it means to be human can easily slip away, without you even noticing. Everything becomes a bit more serious, a bit less colourful and a bit less joyous. Conversations can become stale and uninteresting, emotions can become untapped and hidden away, experiences can become repetitive, predictable and dull. Human interactions can become superficial and disconnected. So, instead of searching for all these answers, I’m trying to accept the unknowingness. Even more, I’m trying to marvel in it.
What a shame it would be to put all your efforts into getting somewhere, only to learn that you never actually arrive. Some part of me has always known that the process is the most important part. It’s whom you meet along the way, the smells, the sights, the lessons, and the lasting impact you make, big or small. That was the part of me that pushed me to travel and expand my horizons beyond my comfort zone.
New Year’s feels like a new start. While many of us tend to fall into our previous habits, it’s still important to set goals – to have an end in mind, without obsessing over it. Frankly, if you want it enough, you’ll probably do it. For 2020, I don’t need all these questions answered right now. I already know where I am and I know whom I’m with. Where I’m going is a mystery and that’s okay. But before getting there, I know I need to fine-tune the instrument a bit, before the melody will play in the way that I need / want it to. So, this is what I promise to myself.
In 2020, I will do my best to show up, present and wholeheartedly available to the people I love, to strangers and to anyone else that might need me. I will lead a life that honours who I truly am, while being considerate to others and my audience. I will marvel in the simple things that come my way. I will try to be a good example through my behaviour. I will admit when I’m wrong, yet celebrate my triumphs and the triumphs of those around me. I will be an ongoing student, open to advice and coaching. I will take care of myself and nourish my mind, body and soul. I will be more mindful of my consumption and live more sustainably. I will offer support in whatever capacity I can to my community. I will execute my tasks at hand with attention and excellence. Finally, most importantly, I will do my best to celebrate the mysteries of life, living fully and accepting that not all questions have answers. And I promise to have a damn good time doing it. After all, if we aren’t having a good time doing it, then what’s the bloody point?
Thanks for reading and HNY!
